Strategy

Here's exactly what to do when you're not sure if it's a date

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Don't make this more awkward than it needs to be.  BurnAway/Flickr

We'll get straight to the heart of the matter here (pun intended).

If someone invites you to hang out and you're not sure if it's a friend thing or a "more than friends" thing, don't call them out on it. It'll only make the situation more awkward than it needs to be.

That's according to relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's A Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It." 

Instead of focusing on what the other person wants this hangout to be, Syrtash said you should ask yourself: What do I want this to be? 

Then, once you get to the date/not-date, focus on two things: picking up on the other person's cues, and sending out the appropriate cues yourself.

So let's say you'd like it to be a date, but you're not sure what the other person is thinking. "Start making it more date-like," Syrtash said.

Order wine; maintain eye contact; be a little flirtatious; touch them lightly. Notice how they respond. 

Now let's say you'd like it to be a friendly hangout, but you're not sure what the other person is thinking. 

In this situation, you might want to talk about your dating life or casually make a comment about how you're not in a place where you're looking for a relationship. Before you leave, consider offering to split the bill. 

Again, notice how they respond to your behavior.

If at this point, you're still not sure whether you're on a date, it's okay to ask — but do it playfully, Syrtash said. Something like, "Hey, is this a date?" with a laugh should work. 

The bottom line here is that you'll want to keep the awkwardness to a minimum. Try to rely on body language and nonverbal signals of romance or friendship. Don't force anything.

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Shana was a correspondent for Insider, where she covered career development and workplace culture.In 2022, she published "Don't Call It Quits" to help professionals who feel stuck in their careers find greater happiness at work.Shana spearheads the HR Insider series, for which she's interviewed talent chiefs at Microsoft and Goldman Sachs, shared tips from an ex-Googler on knowing when to change jobs, and demystified the hiring process at Salesforce. She regularly publishes news analysis; past topics have included burnout among US workers, gender and racial dynamics within HR, and the hybrid workplace.She has moderated programs at Chief and the Harvard Business School Club of New York and has appeared on Cheddar and Bold TV.Before beginning her career in journalism, Shana studied English and psychology at Brandeis University and received her master's degree in English literature from Columbia University.