Earlier this year, the surgeon general warned the US public against "our epidemic of loneliness and isolation" — and men may be among the hardest hit demographics.
Research shows men's friendships have been declining over the years. In 2021, 15% of men stated they have zero close friends, compared to only 3% in 1990.
A 2022 Pew Research Center survey found that 60% of young men are also single, nearly double the rate of women.
And men are also less likely than women to go to therapy and work on whatever might be holding them back from connecting with others.
So in order to combat loneliness, some men are taking a new approach: Opening up in all-male groups of complete strangers.
A popular men's group tries to fill a void
Founded in 2016, EVRYMAN started out as a small group of men in a barn, trying to talk about their feelings honestly. Since then, the company has grown to include paid, nationwide in-person groups, weekend retreats, and months-long online programs on topics like emotional authenticity and leadership. Anyone who identifies as a man is welcome to join.
Mike Sagun, a certified men's coach who leads EVRYMAN retreats and other programming, told Insider that a typical group experience starts with a meditation and short check-ins, where men identify the physical sensations in their bodies, such as "I feel tension in my chest" or "I feel relaxed in my feet."
If comfortable, group members then share what they're feeling, with a core rule of the group being that you shouldn't give advice. The result is that men can find a unique safety in opening up.
"We've seen guys come into our community from all parts of the world where they don't have this sense of connection with anyone," Sagun said.
Vulnerability among men is slowly being normalized
Before working at EVRYMAN, Sagun was skeptical about even attending a meeting. After browsing the program's website and noticing a lack of diversity, he wasn't sure that he could relate as a gay man of color.
But going around the room as men shared, Sagun described it as a domino effect that left him and other men in tears. It also pushed him to share his past experience of sexual abuse. "I remember struggling to get the words out because I was crying," he said. "People were nodding their heads. The guys next to me had put their arms around my shoulders, and it was this powerful experience of feeling welcomed and like I belonged with these men."
He said this was the first time he ever felt really safe as a gay man surrounded by straight guys.
Moved by the experience — and also wanting to broaden the representation at EVRYMAN — Sagun started working at the company.
And while EVRYMAN can be the place where men share their deepest, most vulnerable selves, Sagun noted that it's just as much about celebration.
"We don't necessarily say that you have to talk about the hard, heavy things," he said. "We actually encourage guys to talk about the joy and the pride and the accomplishments that are happening in our lives."
Another benefit of men's groups: Men can support each other instead of depending solely on their partners.
Men's groups aren't therapy, but they have their own perks
More men's groups have cropped up in recent years, from Meetups around topics like divorce to group services offered by nonprofits like Black Men Heal. According to a 2017 study on gender differences in therapy preferences, men liked support groups more than women did.
It seems paradoxical: If men are more apprehensive than women about opening up to a therapist, why are groups — which involve being raw in a room of strangers — somehow more appealing?
Sagun said one of the upsides of EVRYMAN is that men don't need to share if they don't want to. He believes that even just seeing other men express themselves is beneficial to participants, and takes the pressure off if it's their first time exploring emotional vulnerability.
Greg Matos, a board-certified couples and family therapist, said that men's groups can't replace therapy — especially if people are dealing with clinical anxiety or depression — but he still sees some unique benefits.
"We're not going to get everybody in to see a therapist because there are just not enough therapists to go around," he said. "Men groups that are focused on facilitating learning skills like emotional expression and even just getting comfortable talking about our lives with other men specifically — I think that's certainly a cause that is worth our time."
