Health

A divorce attorney reveals the 3 biggest mistakes married couples make

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Elliot Polland has been practicing divorce law since 1968, and he's seen it all, from lovers' quarrels to full-blown implosions of people who wish they'd never said "I do."

According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in the United States continues to hover around 50%, keeping him plenty busy.

Polland found a quiet spot in a New York City courthouse to talk to INSIDER about the most common pitfalls he sees couples experience — and how to avoid them.

Note: Elliot Polland is the father of INSIDER Deputy Editor Jennifer Polland.

Lack of communication

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It's important to resolve disagreements right away and not let resentment build. Polland recommends taking time in the evening to right any wrongs that may have occurred during the course of the day.

"There's an old saying, 'Never go to bed angry with each other,' and I think that's true," he said. 

Ignoring red flags

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"You have to be diligent in making sure that your relationship with your spouse hasn't gone awry," Polland said.

He described "aberrant or unusual behavior," such as changing passwords, making or receiving calls at hours that don't seem appropriate, or a sudden wardrobe overhaul, as tell-tale signs of an affair.

"Sometimes if you catch it early, you can resolve the relationship," he said. "The longer that extramarital relationship continues, the harder it is to unravel it."

Choosing the wrong partner in the first place

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"A lot of times people choose somebody for the wrong reasons," Polland said. "You've got to have a solid foundation in the relationship so that the relationship can continue when some of the other factors start to erode."

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Talia Lakritz
Talia Lakritz
Talia Lakritz is a Life correspondent at Business Insider covering politics and power through a visual storytelling lens. She has reported from the White House as well as military installations, mansions, and museums across the country, bringing readers inside fascinating places through immersive features.Previously, she wrote for The New York Jewish Week and SciShow Space.Talia holds a BA in English with a concentration in Creative Writing from Barnard College of Columbia University and ordination as an interfaith minister from One Spirit Learning Alliance. She hopes to one day visit all 50 states and all 14 public presidential libraries.Politics and power:Visual features:Human interest: